(my bullet pointed notes, quotes, and questions)
Topics: Procreation, Premarital Sex, Fidelity, Pornography, Homosexuality, Abortion, Repentance, Forgiveness, Law of the Gospel/Exaltation, Worthiness and the Temple, Benefits of Marriage, Preparation
We have one resource that makes most of these things very, very clear. In my mind, it was no coincidence this document was first issued in the general Relief Society meeting in 1995. Please re-read (and do so often) The Family: A Proclamation To The World. Nothing I say could possibly leave the impression and the doctrinal understanding as The Proclamation can and will. I promise you that whatever phase in life you are in, this inspired document will help you with the understanding, inspiration, and blessings you are diligently seeking.
Procreation
How is the power of procreation different for humans than for the other animals commanded to multiply and replenish the Earth?
Is the purpose of “Natural Affection” simply to procreate?
- God commanded everything to procreate, reproduce after it's own kind (Genesis 1:22)...Then HE PLACED ADAM AND EVE ON THE EARTH
- They (Adam and Eve)/we are different than all God's other creations because we are his spirit children
- As such we are brought together in marriage, told to multiply and replenish BUT TO BE GOVERNED BY MORAL LAWS, NOT INSTINCT
- Marital intimacy imbedding in personal purity = co-created love
"I had loved before, but I knew not why. But now I loved--with a pureness--an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul from the transitory things of this groveling sphere and expand it as the ocean. I felt that God was my Heavenly Father indeed; that Jesus was my brother, and that the wife of my bosom was an immortal, eternal companion...In short, I could now love with the spirit and with the understanding also" -Parley P. Pratt (describing the pure love marital intimacy can/should create)
- "Natural affections" = the cement of all virtuous and heavenly societies
- Whether married of unmarried, we need our natural passions and affections purified and wisdom to use them lawfully
- It should be a body AND spirit (soul) experience. If not, it's being prostituted
- Physical intimacy should be 15 % of marriage. "It's not the only flower in the garden" (Marion D. Hanks)
- Sex is supposed to mean something
- Only celestial beings will continue to have these intimate relations in the eternities. Though everyone will have bodies, only the celestial souls will have companionship and will continue to procreate.
Do we HAVE to look at the premarital portion of the Law of Chastity with such negativity?
Is there a way to teach our children in a more positive way, leaving them with a desire to abstain AS WELL AS a desire to have such relations at the appropriate time?
What are the effects of pushing sexual boundaries? (not just immediate but long lasting)
- We are to only have sexual relations with our legal and lawful spouse. If you think about it, being intimate with someone you aren't married to means you are messing around with SOMEONE ELSE'S spouse, whether they are married or not. Until they are sealed to you, they belong to someone else.
- DO NOT arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage
- Breaking the Law of Chastity doesn't just entail having sex with someone who isn't your spouse. It includes other sexual sins...passionate kissing, laying on top of one another, touching sacred body parts, pornography etc. ANYTHING that arouses those powerful emotions is a sin and should be avoided.
"Our closeness to the Savior fills us with love, increasing our ability to love others and to feel love from others. Truman Madsen in his Four Essays on Love said it well: 'You canno lovev until you are loved. You cannot be loved until you are Beloved, Beloved of God.' Thus:
-If you want to be filled with the love of the Lord, keep His commandments.
-If you want to feel loved, keep the Lord's commandments.
-If you truly love someone, keep the Lord's commandments." (Strengthening Our Families-An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family , School of Family Life, BYU)
Fidelity
What exactly does fidelity in a marriage mean?
Are there activities beyond simply not having sex with someone who isn’t your spouse?
What can we do on a daily basis to be the most faithful we can possibly be to our spouse?
- Absolutely NO infidelity, including things like chat rooms, pornography, trashy romance novels, etc.
- Unchastity is next to murder in seriousness (Alma 39:5)
-Potipher's wife...just RUN! (Genesis 39:1-18)
-Never give your spouse even the smallest reason to doubt you
Pornography
We know pornography consists of explicit movies and pictures, but can you think of anything else that might be considered pornography?
Is it EVER okay to bring pornography into a relationship, even if both husband and wife consent to it?
Can you think of anything that is more devastating, and SNEAKY, and so easily multiplies devastation in a marriage?
- We often think of men when we think of pornography. Can you believe 20% of the people in the church who are struggling with this addiction are women? It's a much larger number than I would have guessed.
- The pornography women struggle with most isn't the visual but the written...the trashy romance novels and story lines that portray intimacy as something unrealistic and...well, trashy.
- Even if both spouses agree, pornography or any kind should NEVER be introduced into the bedroom (or anywhere else)
- Don't do anything that repels the Holy Ghost.
Homosexuality
What message are we to send to our children and to the world about homosexuality?
What would one do if they had these feelings?
Can they be active, worthy members of the Church?
How should we treat them?
- Homosexuality is a serious sin. The Lord does not recognize same sex couples as married. Thus, any sexual relations between two people of the same sex are NOT sustained by God and are sinful.
“In the first place, we believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. We believe that marriage may be eternal through exercise of the power of the everlasting priesthood in the house of the Lord.
“People inquire about our position on those who consider themselves so-called gays and lesbians. My response is that we love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are powerful and which may be difficult to control. Most people have inclinations of one kind or another at various times. If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church. If they violate the law of chastity and the moral standards of the Church, then they are subject to the discipline of the Church, just as others are.
“We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and its very purpose, the rearing of families” (President Gordon B. Hinckley in Conference Report, Oct. 1998, 91; or Ensign, Nov. 1998, 71).
Abortion
After breaking one law, why does it seem so easy to break another?
Is abortion ever as ideal as it’s made out to be?
- There is seldom any justifiable reason for abortion
- Some abortions are justifiable but although they MAY be justified (incest, rape, health of the mother, severe defects that would cause the death of the baby shortly after birth) it is only AFTER consulting with church leaders and getting confirmation through earnest prayer
- Adopt through LDS family services is recommended for those situations where unwed women have babies and can not keep the him/her for whatever reason
Repentance
Why is confession the hardest part of repentance for most people?
Is there any other way to find peace?
If we repent but then go back to our old ways, what happens to the work we’ve already done?
- Confession is often the most difficult part of repentance but it must be done...to the Lord and to the offended person (s)
- TOTAL repentance is TOTALLY possible and peace WILL come.
- HOWEVER, those who repent but repeat the sin are responsible for that sin, as well as the previous repented sin. They are forgiven no more and must start repentance process over...and actually FORSAKE the sin.
President Kimball said: “To every forgiveness there is a condition. … The fasting, the prayers, the humility must be equal to or greater than the sin. There must be a broken heart and a contrite spirit. … There must be tears and genuine change of heart. There must be conviction of the sin, abandonment of the evil, confession of the error to properly constituted authorities of the Lord” (The Miracle of Forgiveness [1969], 353).
Satan's Tools
-immodesty
-immoral thoughts ( music, dances, jokes, stories, etc)
-pornography (pictures, videos, books etc.)
-emotions
Forgiveness
Is it possible to truly be forgiven?
Does this mean that we will remember it no more? (No-motivation enough to behave)
- Peace CAN come THROUGH forgiveness.
Blessings of Law of Chastity
Is it ever possible to do wrong and feel good?
How does keeping the Law of Chastity help us now, and in the future?
Does the Law of Chastity really ever just affect us and us alone?
- As with all commandments, we are entitled to the blessings promised us
- We are closer to God, able to feel the spirit better
- Our spouses continue to trust us completely
- In the right place, at the right time, with the right person, our "natural affections" bring us closer to God and being like him than anything else in this life.
- Many of the trials families face are completely avoided all together (divorce as a result of infidelity, children out of wedlock, violation of trust, etc.)
When we obey the law of chastity, we can live without guilt or shame. Our lives and our children's lives are blessed when we keep ourselves pure and spotless before the Lord. Children can look to our example and follow in our footsteps.
“Private choices are not private. They all have public consequences. Our society is the some total of what millions of individuals do in their private lives.” May 1987 Ensign
Law of the Gospel/Exaltation
Why is it important to know that marriage is ordained of God?
What is the Lord’s doctrine of marriage and how does it differ from the views of the world?
If we follow all other commandments and receive all other ordinances can be celestial beings without being sealed to our spouse?
If we do not enjoy these blessings in this life, after doing all that we could do and remaining worthy, are we simply never given this opportunity?
- Marriage has been a Law of the Gospel since the beginning
-Marriage is intended to last forever
- Marriage is NOT just a social custom or a legal agreement
- Marriage, our exaltation depends on it
- Marriage is the most sacred relationship that can exist between a man and a women
- Marriage affects our happiness now and into the eternities
Worthiness and the Temple
Which is more important, being worthy to receive the covenants, or the covenants themselves (getting married in the temple or being worthy to do so)?
- We must first be worthy to enter the temple
- We must be married by someone who has the proper priesthood authority who holds the sealing power
- The temple is the only place this holy ordinance can be performed
- If marriage is performed any other way, at any other time, by any other person (someone w/o proper authority and sealing power) the bond is broken at death.
Blessings and Benefits of Marriage
What are some of the benefits of marriage?
- We are promised the blessings of exaltation
- We enjoy eternal, never ending companionship, familiar relationships
- We have an eternal perspective that helps both in our marriage and in the raising of our children
- We are entitled to the out pouring of the spirit on our marriage as we remain worthy to receive it
Preparation
What can we do to prepare for temple marriage?
What can we do to help our youth prepare for temple marriage?
- Temple marriage should be the goal of every Latter-day Saint, even if they are already married by law.
- Much thought, prayer and righteous living must go into your preparation to receive your endowments and to be sealed in the temple
- One must be active and worthy for one or more years prior to receiving endowments (in order to qualify for recommend)
- Men must have the Melchizedek Priesthood
- One must be interviewed and found worthy by both his/her bishop and stake president (some of the questions asked in the interview can be found in this lesson).
- We need to remember that temple attendance, in every capacity you attend for, is a privileged
- Temple marriage is worth any sacrifice
My Resources for this lesson were mostly in print, but those that are online can be found here:
Chapter 38, Gospel Principles
Chapter 39, Gospel Principles
The Titles of my two favorite books used-ones I would HIGHLY recommend, are:
Creating Home as a Sacred Center, Principles for Everyday Living (Edited by Shirley R. Klein and E. Jeffrey Hill)
Strengthening our Families, An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family (Edited by David C. Dollahite)
