A Brief Talk on Friendship (for RS night)

Possible opening quote:

Joseph Smith himself was a great friend to many. He said, “Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of ‘Mormonism’; [it is designed] to revolutionize and civilize the world, and cause wars and contentions to cease and men to become friends and brothers” (History of the Church, 5:517).

 (From Marvin J. Ashton’s talked entitled, “What is a friend”)

For a few moments enjoy with me some very simple yet powerful recent conversations I’ve had in seeking the true significance of friendship. I asked an eight-year-old girl, “Who is your best friend?” “My mommie,” she replied. “Why?” “Because she is nice to me.”

A priest-age young man was asked the same question. “My bishop.” “Why?” “Because he listens to us guys.”

A 19-year-old girl: “My teacher.” “Why?” “She is always available to me, even after class.”

A 13-year-old boy: “My Scoutmaster.” “Why?” “He does everything with us.”

A prisoner: “The chaplain.” “Why?” “He believes me. He even believed me sometimes when he shouldn’t have.”

A husband: “My wife.” “Why?” “Because she is the best part of me.”

I also asked a few neighborhood kids this question.

The 5 year old said his best friend was his classmate because they did lots of fun things together.  The 9 year old said his best friend is his sister because she’s nice and spends time together.  The 12 year old said it was her mom because she’s kind, they always laugh and have fun together, she always helps her with anything she needs, and she knows she can always talk to her.

What can we conclude from these answers?
1. Friendship has a lot to do with how people feel (Sign: People may forget what you said or what you did but not how you make them feel”

2. Friendship is work (Sign: Stop wishing, star doing)

3. Friendships require time.  The kind we schedule each day, and the time that adds up little by little over days, months, and years. (Sign: Rules for today: 1. A little more laughter 2. A little less worry 3. A little more kindness 4. A little less hurry)

I also want to share with you the top 10 things I’ve learned about making friends over the last few decades.  This isn’t to say I’m successful as any of them, only that I’m trying to improve on them.

Top 10 things that help me make friends:

1. Make NO assumptions and have low expectations

My dearest, closest friends in every ward (longest we’ve ever been anywhere is 22 months) has always been the person I thought was least likely to A. have something in common with me and B. like me enough to spend time with me

2. Time: make (schedule/leave time open) time, take (use the time) time, and remember T.T.T.

I find when I over schedule myself with activities, there’s no time for friends.  But yet, I have to be careful not to leave too much time for friends and not enough for my family

Most things of great value develop over time, not in a single instance or at a single event.

3. Be kind, be thoughtful

…To everyone you can, every opportunity you can…Even to those you find yourself pitted against.

President Abraham Lincoln was once criticized for his attitude toward his enemies. “Why do you try to make friends of them?” asked an associate. “You should try to destroy them.”

“Am I not destroying my enemies,” Lincoln gently replied, “when I make them my friends?”

4. Be hard to offend

Very seldom do people intend to say/do/think things that offend us.  Most often, there is miscommunication, misinformation, or something’s been taken out of context.
But EVEN WHEN there’s a legitimate reason to be offended, don’t be.  It’s hard, but trust me, it’s not worth it.  And usually, the offending party usually comes around.  In the end, it’s water under the bridge. 

5. Reach out, get out of your comfort zone

Somebody’s got to do it and most of the time, everyone will be glad you did! 

Not only is it hard to initially reach out, but once we’re friends, it’s hard to say/do the kinds of things true friends should.

It takes courage to be a real friend. Some of us endanger the valued classification of friend because of our unwillingness to be one under all circumstances. Fear can deprive us of friendship. Some of us identify our closest friends as those with the courage to remain and share themselves with us under all circumstances. A friend is a person who will suggest and render the best for us regardless of the immediate consequences. ~ Elder Marvin J. Ashton

6. Be ready to listen, listen more than you speak

Sometimes, what people really need is to feel as though they are truly heard.

7. Look for opportunities to serve (do your VT!), with the desire to learn to love people as Christ does

-Do small things with great love

- John 15: 12-15

“ 12. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

 13. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

 14. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

15. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.” ⁹

“The Savior watches over the struggling member as a friend. He laid down His life for all of us. He loves us and will grant us, if we are faithful, the gift of feeling a part of His love for them.“ Elder Henry B. Eyring (True Friends)

8. Show genuine interest and learn details about people (learn about who they are, what makes them tick), find a common interest

-When you know what’s going on in someone’s life, you show a desire to build a relationship.  You’re also able to find better opportunities to serve them.

9. Seek to improve yourself and increase your knowledge BUT DO NOT compare yourself to others!

-I’m also excited to learn new things.  The more people I talk to, the more I learn!

There seems to be a misunderstanding on the part of some men today as to what it means to be a friend. Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better welfare. (as opposed to simply “taking me as I am” and leaving you as you are)

Yes, a friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am but who is willing and able to leave me better than he found me. –Marvin J Ashton

10. Be grateful and remember to reciprocate

-Even a simple thank you note, text or phone call lets people know you not only notice their efforts, but they are appreciated!

“Expect nothing, appreciate everything” sign

Extra quotes to share if needed:

“God knows the needs of His children, and He often works through us, prompting us to help one another. When we act on such promptings, we tread on holy ground, for we are allowed the opportunity to serve as an agent of God in answering a prayer.” Kathleen H. Hughes

What greater gift dost thou bestow,

What greater goodness can we know

Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways

Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

(Each Life That Touches Ours For Good)

President Monson include the same invitation: “We are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness. … We are the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us.”³