How Do The Things I Say Affect Me And Those Around Me

"Private choices are not private; they all have public consequences...Our society is the sum total of what millions of individuals do in their private lives."
 ~Elder James E. Faust

(Sign in my living room)

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." ~President Thomas S. Monson

"Your thoughts become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your character and your character, ultimately, becomes your destiny." (Rephrased pounded into my head by my dad--original quote seems to be attributed to half a dozen people)

These are some of my all-time favorite quotes.  Who can guess why? As I walk through life I am attempted to keep perspective.  These are all quotes that remind me of what's important and continue to inspire me to become the person Heavenly Father intends for me to be.  What are some of your favorite quotes?  Why are they important to you? (think about Captain Moroni and the Title of Liberty, Alma 46:11-22) I can not imagine what life would be like without the daily opportunity to communicate with one another.  The written language and the spoken word are two of the Lord's greatest tools and blessings he has given us.  They enable us to do many great, influential things (teach, preach, love, testify, preserve, express/convey, sympathize/empathize, relate one to another, encourage, uplift etc.) for ourselves and those around us.
Examples of positive influences simply by using words:
Have any of you had any experiences with someone saying something that truly uplifted and inspired you?
Scriptures: Abinadi Alma 5:9–12, Alma the younger, Captain Moroni, Joseph Smith, Christ himself
Personal stories: Dad and my eyebrows/Grandma and my hair, Pat and George about raising kids in the gospel/what words really mean, patriarchal blessing/father's blessings, Mom "if they don't feel loved, nothing else matters"-changed my outlook on life

(On the board, write:)
Words we read. Words we hear. Words we write. Words we speak. Ephesians 4:29–32 How do you feel about the kind of language that you read, hear, and use? How do they affect you initially, and later on?  How do words invite or discourage guidance from the Holy Ghost?

How do our words affect us? (thoughts-actions/words-habits-character-destiny) We become the kind of person we are portraying.  We also dictate how we are perceived by others with the things we say.  What we say creates a tone and an attitude for our life.
How do they affect others?  We can either build up ourselves and those around us, or we can tear them down.  There are a millions way to accomplish each outcome, but the end result is the same.  We are either uplifting or tearing down. We either invite the spirit into our lives and the lives of those around us, or we send him packing and boot him out the door.  Proverbs 15:1–4; 16:24; 1 Timothy 4:12; James 3:2–10; Alma 31:5; D&C 25:12; 108:7 How does Heavenly Father feel about the words we use? We need to be very careful.  One day, we will be held accountable.
Exodus 20:7; Matthew 12:34-37; 15:11; Luke 12:2–3;1 Timothy 5:13; D&C 42:27 
How do they affect the Holy Ghost? Ephesians 4:29–32; 2 Nephi 32:2–3; D&C 63:61–64 

We live in a day and age where we can reach people in every corner of the earth at a moment's notice.  We can speak face to face, on the phone, in a video, in various forms of texts, in pictures, emails,blogs/forums, letters, packages etc.  In speech and written word, we have incredible forms of communication!  What a blessing the Lord has provided us.  Not only do we have the ability to communicate, but we can do it instantly and without physical constraints. Family members are never far from an "I love you", the gospel message can be taught to just about any human being in any place at any time, scriptures and the words of modern day prophets and apostles are always in our pockets, advice from a wise parent is only a dial away, memories are effortlessly recorded and shared, testimonies are shared in every form, and "happy birthdays" and compliments to friends have never been easier to give.
What ways do you POSITIVELY use your words ( and communication devices) on a daily basis?

UNFORTUNATELY, like most giant blessings the Lord has given us, Satan has figured out how to use them to accomplish HIS agenda too.  An age old problem has been the temptation to say and write regrettable things out of jealousy, anger, spite, ignorance etc.  But now, we have even more ways to say/write these thing and to reach more people with a greater frequency.

In what ways are we helping the Adversary with our words?  Do we have any control over this?  (Absolutely!  Not only can we practice controlling our thoughts AND the words coming out of our mouths, we can also refuse to take offense to the things other people say/write)
Examples: Gossiping, name calling/insults/stereotyping, speaking in anger, telling secrets (the kind that keep people "out of the loop" on purpose, those that spread gossip, etc.), foul language, sarcasm (let's be honest, sarcasm is an art many people never learn to master-they always hurt feelings.  It's safer not to use it, especially if you don't really know/understand your audience) and any other thing that makes the SPIRIT WITHDRAW and/or hurts another one of God's children in any way

What are some less obvious ways our language can hurt us/those around us?
-When we are negative or abrasive it makes it hard to make and keep friends
-It also makes it hard to get and keep jobs
-You become less approachable, both to children and adults
-People around you feel like they can't trust you with their thoughts/feelings/personal things
-The spirit withdraws quickly and becomes very hard to invite back
-We miss opportunities with all kinds of people to do endless amounts of activities
-The way we are remembered is less than flattering
-People won't know the real you because it's too hard to get through your fence of words
-Respect and trust is nearly impossible to earn if your language does prove you worthy of it.
-Communication makes or breaks marriages and families all the time.  Again, it's not just what we say, but HOW we say it...and WHY we say it...and how often we say it.
-Poor communication can make us unreliable, even if unintentional
-Obviously, you can hurt others to the point of tears.  But you can seriously cripple someones personal development for years to come(story of my 'friend' in the third grade who said, "You're too fat to be my friend.")
What kinds of things can we do to fight the adversary and keep written and spoken language clean and uplifting?
-Start with your thoughts (back to my favorite quotes-thoughts become deeds/actions)
-Pick friends very carefully
-Choose music (and other entertainment) that invites the spirit-or at the very least, doesn't detract from it!!!
-Be willing to politely walk away or change the subject when those around you use inappropriate language.
-Speak kindly and positively about others. Choose not to insult others or put them down, even in joking. 
-Avoid gossip of any kind
-Avoid speaking in anger. When you are tempted to say harsh or hurtful things, leave them unsaid. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1)
-"The willingness to see through each other’s eyes will transform “corrupt communication” into “minister[ing] grace." Elder W. Craig Zwick, What Are You Thinking?
-Use your opportunities to speak (both in your head/to yourself and out loud to others) to spread not only a positive message, but a positive ATTITUDE 
-Focus on the positive"I have often thought that Nephi’s being bound with cords and beaten by rods must have been more tolerable to him than listening to Laman and Lemuel’s constant murmuring. ⁸ Surely he must have said at least once, “Hit me one more time. I can still hear you.” Yes, life has its problems, and yes, there are negative things to face, but please accept one of Elder Holland’s maxims for living—no misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
-Age old trick-hum you favorite hymn
-CHOOSE NOT TO BE offended
-Remember you are an EXAMPLE to others.  When we remember that the things we say/write carry farther than our own heads and the four walls around us we can find the motivation we need to carry on and be wise."Joanna was one of only three members of the Church in her high school and the only young woman in her ward. She committed to herself and the Lord that she would never use bad language. When she was paired with a young man for a school project who had not made the same commitment, she did not lower her standards. She asked him to respect and honor her values. Over time, with many gentle and some not-so-gentle reminders, her friend formed new habits and used cleaner language. Many people noticed the difference, including his father, who thanked Joanna for being a good influence in his son’s life." Ann M. Dibb, Arise and Shine Forth
-Practice TACT.  This is an art form.  We can not always say nice things.  Sometimes we HAVE to fix problems in order grow and progress.  The key is to be kind and tactful.  
-For every one criticism, come up with five compliments
-Paul put it candidly, but very hopefully. He said to all of us: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but [only] that which is good … [and] edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

“And grieve not the holy Spirit of God. …

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you. …

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:29–32.

The things we say are a good indicator of the character we are developing

Mosiah 4:40 "But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish.  And now, oh man, remember, and perish not." 

"Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, The Tongue of Angels 

I challenge you to choose at least one way you can be more positive and communicate more effectively, uplifting and inspiring others.  This week, I want you to wake up each morning with your goal in mind.  See if you can be a force for good with something as simple as your words!  (Don't worry, I'll be following up with you! ;) ) 

Favorite Quotes (found while studying for this less)

“The most important of all the commandments of God is that one that you are having the most difficulty keeping today.” Harold B. Lee 

"Like all gifts “which cometh from above,” words are “sacred, and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the Spirit.” ^"Jeffrey R. Holland

“The spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience.”  Elder Orson F. Whitney

"No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland